Thursday, September 23, 2010

Would You Believe?


In spite of my husband's fear that listening to NPR will turn my brain into a liberal square of organic tofu, I persist... tuning in to Rush Limbaugh for counterbalance.  

1 Hour of NPR = 10 minutes of Rush (because he is quite a hefty lad)

A regular feature of NPR's programming is called "This I Believe" 
which is based on a 1950s radio program of the same name.  Americans from all walks of life share the personal philosophies and core values that guide their daily lives. 

Well dear readers, since I am only a semi-copycat I am introducing a feature that I call

This I Don't Believe

because what you don't believe is sometimes just as important as what you do.

Let's get started, shall we?

 I don't believe that you went to Senior Prom with George Clooney and that he was desperately in love with you and asked you to marry him but then he tripped on your porch step and fell and hit his head on the decorative garden gnome in your flower bed which gave him a traumatic brain injury and persistent amnesia which caused him to forget you and go on to a spectacular career in TV and movies but to have lost true love.   
This I don't believe

I don't believe that Hydroxycut will change you to this...

from this

After only a few short weeks and some hair extensions and new gym clothes.   
This I don't believe

 I don't believe that chanting 

Good night sleep tight
Don't let the bed bugs bite

 Is a 100% effective protection against a New York City infestation of tiny critters anxious to hitchhike home with you after you visit the Big Apple because..."start spreadin' the news, they're leavin' in your suitcase today.  They want to bite a part of you..."  

This I don't believe

 I don't believe that your grandson, Ignatius

Is anywhere near as cute as my grandchild; with or without a pig
This I don't believe

I don't believe that your goldfish

Can beat up my Siamese fighting fish, Benny.  Especially if I get him really mad
This I don't believe


Anna M said...

your grandson is cuter than Ignatius, but I would wager against your fish, for sure.

Rachael Jill said...

He is the cutest. Benny is the untimate fish bowl fighter. Don't hate...

Sue said...

Ya know what? I don't believe any of that stuff either.

(You are a very convincing woman.)


Heidi said...

love it!

Elana Johnson said...

How much do I love this post? A lot. That picture of George Clooney is hilarious!

MT said...

I don't believe you ever write a post that doesn't make me laugh. That was a double negative, so I hope I said it right. ;)

Nicole Zoltack said...

lol great post

karen said...

You've convinced me. But back to NPR, do you ever listen to "This American Life?" I do love that one. Rush Limbaugh, not so much. Even though he's a hefty lad.

Anonymous said...

brilliantly executed. and that lady has a butt on her back. not acceptable for public *shudders* i think that may just scar me for life.

Pondside said...

We don't believe the same things. Into what weird demographic does that put us?

Terry said...

What a cutie your Grandson is. LOL... you are so funny.... Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

I am following you. Terry