Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Is Your Toddler Organic?

 
  •  
     
     
    All Natural and Organic meals and snacks
  • On site Organic garden
  • GreenGuard indoor air quality certified furniture
  • Filtered water from every faucet 
  • Organic cotton for all sleep surfaces
  • All natural cleaning products
  • VOC-free paint throughout building
  • Recycled products in classrooms and administration
  • Family owned and operated


But what it doesn't tell you:
  • Unpotty trained toddlers are required to wear diapers made of hemp (to be handwoven by parents) lined with peat moss


  • Required footwear is limited to moccasins tanned from roadkill rabbits or hemp sandals
 
 
  • Children will weave  fans out of palm fronds during crafts time to provide manual circulation of air as a natural school contains no air conditioning
 
 
  • Any Twinkies found in a lunch bag will be confiscated and replaced with raisins and a stern organic lecture




  • Parents are required to sign waiver indemnifying academy against trauma suffered by children who suffer nightmares due to exposure to excessively natural and hirsute legs of female staff 










imge found here


  • All children will be required to dress as Al Gore for the Halloween Harvest Festival costume party
 









  • Parents dropping off children must participate in earth friendly conveyances, i.e.
a.  walking
b.  riding an organic donkey
c.  riding a bike
d.  riding the bus
e.  driving a Prius or biodiesel fueled vehicle



Natural Choice Academy
Where earth day lasts all year!

 

13 comments:

Holly said...

And you know what people? She's not kidding. It's right there by Neil Frisby's House of Healing at the Capstone Cathedral. What a weird world.

Connie said...

Hilarious!
Love the Al Gore costume requirement. Indoctrinate the children early and global warming will for sure be a thing in the history books by the time these children are old enough to vote.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

This is too funny, Larainy! I bet it costs way more than a regular school too? Love the hairy legs and hemp/peat moss diapers ... can't they buy cotton ones?

Thanks for making me laugh always.

Kathy M.

Jen West said...

you made me giggle :)

just call me jo said...

Truth IS stranger than fiction. So weird. I'm glad I did not teach at an organic school. I don't think Diet Coke is organic and I'm sure I couldn't weave moccasins and make frond fans. That sounds HARD!! I think some people are nuts. Oops! I'll bet they can't serve peanuts--allergies. The sunset is pretty this evening. Hope the organic school gets off to a environmentally friendly start. Little tree huggers--

karen said...

Hahaha... little tree huggers. That made me laugh. Don't forget the soy milk.

Pondside said...

I'd have terrible backlash every week and be eating chocolate bars, driving a land boat and buying disposable diapers by the big box.

Lindsey @ Better After said...

Dang, I thought my regular donkey was good enough.

Rebecca said...

"Preach it, sista!" lol-;D

I moved from AZ (Gilbert), 5yrs ago...and can't imagine driving by a school like that without my mouth falling open...ALTHOUGH, quite a friendlier entrance and environment than the school I taught at in downtown Phoenix...not sure that's to say much :(

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Talk about jumping on the green bandwagon! And stealing Twinkies? Holy cow. Here in the Deep South that would never fly. Southerners will never give up their deep fried pickles or deep fried Twinkies (not kidding). There's a reason it's known as the "Deep" South! Poor Phoenix. So darn healthy!

nick said...

They are, or were organic - now they're grown. Yes, composed of carbohyrates, proteins, lipids, etc - all organic.

Sue said...

The hirsute legs were the deal breaker for me.

;)

Michelle Teacress said...

I saw a lady with hairy legs the other day. It was a little weird.