Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Biggest Christmas Loser

image found here

It wasn't easy, dear readers, but I hacked into the top secret "motivational song" database of the popular reality show The Biggest Loser in order to bring you the motivational songs guaranteed to help you make it through the holidays unscathed by additional baggage.

Song #l is modified from and sung to the tune of  

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

Have yourself a lowfat little Christmas
Let your treats be light
More whipped cream
Will only make your pants too tight
Have yourself a skimpy kind of Christmas
Deprive yourself this year
Those ten pounds do not
Equate to Christmas cheer

When you are at the grocery store
In the pastry aisle...again
Repeat to self  "These brownie bites
will give me an-oth-er chin"

Have yourself a lowfat little Christmas
Just lay off the chow
Or suffer infarction reaching for the highest bow
And have yourself a lowfat little Christmas now.

Song #2 is modified from the classic  

"Summertime"  from Porgy & Bess

Christmas Time, and the livin' ain't easy
Kids are jumpin'
And the prices is high.

Oh yo Daddy ain't rich
And yo Ma, she ain't either.
So cry lil' baby - go ahead and cry

One a these mornins, you gonna have to start wrappin'
Then you'll run outta tape
And have to break out the glue

But til' that mornin'
Jes keep a usin' you Visa
Cause it'll be a whole month
Til' that stinkin' bill comes due


Your weight loss croon
Needn't be in tune
To enable you
To put down the spoon!


just call me jo said...

I passed up Dreyer's Peppermint ice cream and Rhodes frozen bread yesterday. I'm trying!

Sue said...

Thanks. I will begin using these today.

(I think you may have saved me from crossing the line into obesity.)



concretenprimroses said...

I thought I was doing so well resisting, but i'm still fatter! What gives?

Hoosier at Heart said...

For breakfast I had yogurt and a banana. For lunch I had a small salad with grilled chicken. For dinner just now, I made chicken FRIED steak, potatoes, and now I want pie.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Too funny! "More whipped cream will only make your pants too tight" cracked me up. I may have to print that one out and post it on my fridge. (I'll keep your byline prominent.)

Sam and Melissa said...

Hey, Mark is Bishop, see if you can get that sung for the opening hymn or something. You'd be even more famous that you are now :)

MT said...

I've got ten more pounds to go, and you have provided me some much needed motivation. ;)