Dear reader, I'm well aware that you are dying to sneak into my house and root through my stack of Christmas cards to see if I really did get one from Michael Buble like I told you I did. I know I would jump at the chance to snoop through your mail to see if Donny Osmond really sent you a 7-page Christmas letter. (Which I would follow up with a swift perusal of your medicine cabinet.)
So, since curiosity killed the cat and I don't want any feline blood on my hands (ewwww) I am going to share with you brief snippets of Christmas letters from a few of Larainy's dearest friends.
...Elberta and I have finally retired from the club. When she was injured doing a cartwheel and that cheapskate Vinnie refused to chip in for a hip replacement, it just took all the joy out of exotic dancing...
... Mary Ellen came home from her stint in the Congo wearing leopard skin pants, and Bart refused to let her return to the Peace Corp. We thought she was supposed to be digging wells, not shooting endangered species...
...Beth may be the youngest member of the clan, but when she gives her ""girl power" salute, we immediately take her to Wendy's for a large Frosty before she lays the hammer down..
...and so I said "like, fer sure I'm totally down for teepeeing Taylor Swift's dressing room...because she is like, such a poser"...
...and you would never know it, but Regina got braces this year...
...Daryl is intensely focused on receiving his Eagle Scout Award and always has a rope handy to practice his knots...
...After Conrad got laid off when the grease fire burned down Denny's, we couldn't afford our summer vacation at the beach. We didn't want to disappoint Eddie so we got him a sandbox and a mural...
...Chip finally got his lettermen jacket back from that awful Ashley and we haven't heard a peep out of her since the incident at Kmart with the baseball bat and the subsequent restraining order...
... little Damon has been a good deal calmer since the exorcism and the neighbors haven't complained about missing pets since April...
...Tim and Timothy are still in therapy, trying to carve out their own identities. So far, Tim has taken a bold first step and admitted that he doesn't really like turtlenecks...
...unfortunately, Jeffrey quit ROTC when they he found out that a saxophone that shoots poison darts is not an approved military weapon...
Here's hoping your mailbox is filling up with Christmas letters!
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13 comments:
Well it is obvious, You get the best Christmas cards! Made my day again, now I can to to work.
I swear I know all those people. How did we end up with the same friends? And they didn't send ME letters this year...What's up with that?
So....what's up with Jeffrey's forehead?
Jeffrey is part of a wild west reenactment group that meets on every fourth weekend to stage famous battles in cowboy vs. Native American history. Jeffrey is part of the Jacksonville Florida Apache Troop 414, hence the headband mark on the sunburned forehead.
LOL!!
I am sincerely hoping that your Christmas card this year includes a photo of the family on the trampoline reenacting scenes from Mary Poppins.
oh, and that I get one.
I'm with Anna about the trampoline scene Christmas card.
And at least Mylie has the knees for a dress like that. (I'm not jealous)
It is, but none are quite as interesting as yours! My friends are so...ordinary.
;)
After a post like this, your own Christmas card has a lot to live up to... Loved the peace corp one especially :)
I'd like to be on your Christmas letter list!
Dang... Any of my cards would just be boring after this. You win. This time.
I got those same Christmas cards this year! I can't believe we know so many of the same people! Small world.
You're a hoot. My Christmas cards are a yawn compared to these. Is there somewhere I can lodge a formal complaint about that?
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