Friday, December 17, 2010

Party Hardy Family Style

Cheer up dear readers.  It is almost time to gather in an overheated living room to celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah/Winter Solstice/New Years with the family!

Why not be emotionally prepared this year?  In the spirit of giving, Larainy has gathered some tips for getting through your family gathering without a restraining order being filed.

Don't remark on cousin Frederick's weight gain, or ask why he is always wearing that silly grin.  Stephanie and the boys are humiliated enough by a brother that goes around with a tea cozy on his head.

When Aunt Eugenia approaches with a plate bearing a suspicious prickly orb surrounded by crackers and says, 
"Cheese Ball?"
don't assume that she is issuing a passive-aggressive challenge to the masculine family honor. 

Don't imagine that all Loretta and the kids want to eat is candy canes.  Can't you see that little Meagan's teeth are already rotting right out of her head?

Keep your eye on Wendell.  

That's all I'm going to say.

Don't make the mistake of forgetting the names of your sister's kids again this year.  Repeat after me... Jayelle, Jay, Jayson, Jacie, Jade and Jaden

Bite your tongue and don't take the bait when Sherry sidles up to your husband and thanks him for the leather coat.  It's obviously vinyl.

Practice diplomacy but watch Aunt Betty's foreign exchange students like a hawk.     Remember the family motto "Trust but Verify" while washing up the family silver.

When Alicia whips out her tutu and starts leaping over the coffee table and pirouetting into the Christmas tree, don't laugh when Uncle Fritz shouts, "Why don't you get to the point?"  It only encourages him.

Don't feel the need to point out the obvious about Merrianne's fiance.  Everyone already knows he was born on the wrong side of the tracks.

When Grandma loses her glasses again, don't be so quick to accuse Clarissa.  She gets blamed for everything.

all images found at here


Sue said...

I will definitely keep these tips in mind.


Melynda said...

Great stuff! Maybe Aunt Eugenia should show Sherry how to make a cheese ball, and not be one :(

Melynda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SherilinR said...

i love aunt betty & the foreign exchange student. they take themselves very seriously & aren't to be trifled with!

Holly said...

Thanks so much for the advice, I think I can make it through the holidays now. However, you forgot to tell me how to deal with Aunt Carol Anne and Aunt Wayne.

Jen West said...

Darn... I could have used these last week! I will implement them tonight, though... thanks!

Sam and Melissa said...

I will use these! Especially my favorite, the "trust but verify" ha ha. I still haven't verified you to Uncle Mark, by the way...