Monday, August 2, 2010

The Naturohomeohypopathic Guide to Wellness

I know that you, my dear readers have been feeling a little left out because of the dearth of medical information on Larainy Days.  Well, that is about to change as I introduce a new feature called

Ask Dr. Bogus*: A Hypochondriac's Guide to Wellness

Rupert, a nail technician from Las Vegas asks:

Rupert:  Is there a natural depilatory for underarm hair?  I relish my natural hirsuteness, but could do without the tangle in my pits.

Dr. Bogus:  First of all Rupert, I applaud your desire to seek a natural solution to your deforestation dilemma.  You obviously have a big job ahead!  I recommend the following protocol:
  • Using that marvelous hiking stick, climb to a high mountain meadow 
  • Take off that darling tie dyed piece of artistic brilliance you call a t-shirt
  • Swab each underarm with a thick layer of organic honey
  • Lie back, spread out your arms and let those busy little ants do their work
Rupert, if you're ticklish you may need to use all your powers of concentration to take you to a happy place while those busy ants are nibbling away at your problem area with their razor sharp mandibles, but when your underarms are hair and honey free you will feel like a new man.

Do you have a question for Dr. Bogus?

*Dr. Bogus is not licensed to practice anywhere but that doesn't stop him from solving problems

Rupert can be found  here



Sue said...

I'd like to hear what the good doctor recommends for hair loss.


Pondside said...

........and skin tags.

Lydia Kang said...

Eewww! Ants!
This was so funny! But I wouldn't let him near me, even with a ten foot walking stick.

Joanne Fox said...

Any remedies please for general lethargy and inertia? Nothing involving ants though.

Anonymous said...

I would like to know how to rid myself of bad dreams. Does that count as medical? If not, then my backup concern is how to lose weight.

Jennifer said...

...anything on dentistry?????