Monday, May 23, 2011

Real Men Wear Blue Plaid

When I come home successful after foraging for clothing in the wilds, I rip off the tags in a frenzy and wear my shirt/shorts/blouse/shoes/underwear/belt/hat at the first opportunity.  To do otherwise would not show proper respect to my new acquisition and could make closet integration awkward for the new garment on the block.

Wearing a new item of apparel gives the others a chance to rest, mixes up old pairings and keeps things fresh in wonderful world of my wardrobe

Somehow, this clothing etiquette does not seem to apply to the men I hang out with.

In sixth grade when I was in love with a blonde haired hunk of cluelessness named Ricky, I would strain my spectacle covered eyes to catch a glimpse of him in the hallway as we changed classes.  As I traveled from Math to English during that first week of school, it became easy to spot him because he wore the same blue plaid shirt every day.  

Every stinkin' day! 

Eventually, even my deep and abiding love could not excuse his poor wardrobe choices and I was forced to move on to someone else.  Actually, it may have had something to do with the fact that Ricky thought I had a weird laugh and that I had to stay home for two weeks with hepatitis, giving me somewhat of a Typhoid Mary vibe for the rest of the school year.

The man I married has no hunter gatherer instincts regarding clothing.  If I want him to wear something I have to forage it out for him.  And he won't wear just anything.  He is quite particular about pocket depth, belt loop count and fabric toxicity.

So, I bring home a stack of possibilities and arrange them in an attractive heap on the bed awaiting his attention.  Later, I move them to the chair because they are apparently under a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.  After a week of growing stale and rumpled draped over the chair, the invisibility cloak wears off and if I bug him, he may try something on.

My success rate is about 50% which is a 1% increase for each of the 30 years we have been married.  If I have scored a wardrobe triumph, the new item is then detagged and moved to his closet where will age for an average of 22 months before it becomes familiar enough to wear.  But...when he likes something, he really likes it.

Guess what his current favorite is?

I never could resist a man in a blue plaid shirt.



14 comments:

just call me jo said...

Have I told you before that I adore your humor. (Ricky's name was probably a clue to his being clueless about fashion, i.e., my husband Rick.) Rick wears camo shorts for every occasion except church. He too will only wear one style and kind of something. He's still wearing 501 Levis. We tried others. No go. What is it with men? I'm like you--tear off the tag and wear it. Duh! It's a challenge, for sure. (Blue plaid clad men are hot, however.)

Anna M said...

50% is pretty impressive. I have finally convinced Alan that he should NOT go shopping without me. It can be pretty dire what he comes home with.

blue plaid. nice

ME said...

So true...so true...

Pondside said...

And here I thought that the clothes-aging thing was because my husband is a Dane .....it apparently crosses all cultures!
Now, I have to say that I love a man in plaid - in a kilt, that is. My brother is a piper, and just his weekend I have two cousins from Maui, here for the Highland Games (yes, you read it right -Maui has a pipe band!) so have lots of plaid in the house.

Holly said...

Brian will only wear Carhardt tshirts and shorts or Wranglers. Really that's it. Also, they are either tan, gray or blue. I give up. (How could you not know the importance of pocket depth??)

Connie said...

My hubby is the same way, although in the last few years I have literally made him go shopping for clothes with me. I got tired of the things I bought him hanging in the closet taking up space and him never wearing them.

Love the plaid shirt story, poor Ricky. Hmmm, I wonder if his wife has a hard time getting him to wear anything but plaid?

Sue said...

I'm sad to say that I relate completely. My husband is a a very picky clothes-wearer, and his favorite clothes are his old ones. It is always a struggle to get him to try on the things I bring home.

Having said that, I have to admit he's pretty good at getting rid of the old stuff once it's thoroughly thrashed. I guess I should count myself lucky, because his dad kept shirts that were worn and even had holes because he got so attached to them.

=)

karen said...

At least you're able to buy your husband a few things he'll wear. LaMar is way too picky about sleeve length, sleeve ribbing tightness, color, shirt length - I can' even begin to pick out clothes for him. At least I've gotten him to branch out from his favorite "don't' notice me" blacks and grays to the vibrant tones of navy blue. A triumph.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

LOL What is it about guys and clothes? My husband and yours sound interchangeable in this regard. I bought my hubby a couple shirts for his birthday. By the time he tried them on (read: I browbeat him into trying them on) and realized the fit was off it was too long past the purchase date to return them. Why, oh, why??

Melynda said...

Yeah, even Honey does not care what he wears. But sometimes I wish he did!

Christine Jain said...

Hahaha. At least he's not wearing a shirt with tacky-looking palm trees on it or something. You could do worse than blue plaid.

Emmy said...

Lol! Too funny. My husband loves when I buy him new clothes-which isn't too often as clothes for someone who is 6'8" are not cheap

Michelle Teacress said...

My guy likes plaid too. I'm just glad it's not paisley he likes. :)

Amanda- Hip House Girl said...

Gaah! I could write a post called "Real Men Wear Plain Drab T-shirts. Seriously, he gets them from a site called cheapestees.com. Cheapest Tees! How exciting. Love him anyway though- and it makes the times he does put on a button-down shirt that much more exciting. Looking forward to a 30 years of drab jersey cotton comparable to your 30 years of blue plaid.