Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Future of Celebrity

If you are under thirty, you probably think Jamie Lee Curtis always looked like this...

A cute older woman with grey hair and undependable bowels that have now been cured by the neighborly bacteria in 

But guess what...
she used to look like this!
(Back in the days when she was regular)

Although, come to think of it, sometimes she looked like this... 

so maybe regularity has been a lifelong issue.

Because I am a woman of experience, I am going to offer a few "current hotties" a little career advice for the future.   

The years are going to pass hotties, causing you to cool down.  Eventually you will have to move on to promoting something beyond your looks:  something that will pay the rent, buy cat food and pay your plastic surgery bills.

Hey Justin Timberlake
 You can go from this to...

Timberlake Tatt Removal 
Slogan:  "A laser is a colored man's best friend"

Hey Edward Cullen
You can go from this to... 

Ed's Dental Implants  
   Slogan: "Fight to keep your bite"

 Hey Beyonce
 You can go from this to...

"The Jazzie"
Slogan:  "When You Can't Shake Your Bootie - Try a Scootie"

Hey Justin Bieber
You can go from this to...
 Grown Men Don't Wear Hoodies to Cover Hair Loss
"The Environmental Gentlemen's Hair Club"
Slogan:  "Real Men Wear Real Fur"
Hey Ke$ha
 You can go from this to...

Because by the time you're 30, 
the only $ you're going to have 
is the one in the middle of your name
Slogan:  "You Need Money-- and So Do I"

Hey Lady Gaga
 You can go from this to...

 Because apparently you already believe in the product.


Anastasia said...

Since I'm a big horror fan I do remember what she use to look like. Love your posts they always make me smile.

Sue said...

Another great post! Thanks for the laughs.


Anonymous said...

hahaha Laraine! you are hilarious!!!!!

Dem, Mem and Them said...

Great seeing you too. Keep up the laughter and making us smile. :)

Lori said...

Just out blog stalking and came upon your blog! It's hilarious - glad I stopped by!
Lori (Nikolaus) Platts