Friday, May 14, 2010

To Baste or Not to Baste?

Of course you know what day it is...

I was so excited to have a GUEST POST  by this guy

But then I found out he is on a field trip somewhere that isn't earth.  

Therefore, or "hence" if you're a drama major, I am going to have to handle your science questions myself.

Aurelia, a young woman from Arizona asks:

Why is tanning so bad for you?

Well Aurelia, this is not only a science question, it is a science/health/social question.  Hence, it has taken so much of my brain power to formulate an answer that a lay (or is it lie?) person can understand, that I felt dizzy, my toes went numb and I had to spend an hour in a recliner drinking Coke Vanilla Zero and watching Jack Bauer kill a bunch of people just to get the vigorosity to answer in my usual erudite manner.

1.  You remember Mr. Sun don't you? 

Well, even if Mr. Sun looks friendly and cheerful.  HE IS NOT!  He is, even as we speak, sending deadly U.V. (ultra violent)  rays hurtling towards earth.  Each U.V. ray is attached to a teensy weensy invisible arrow with a very sharp point.  If you go out in the sun unprotected (without a ginormous straw hat the size of a beach umbrella or a quart of 50 proof sunscreen) you will be pelted with these invisible U.V. arrows; each of which will immediately burrow under your tender skin and let loose a toxin that will eventually turn your skin into  
Oh wait, I think this one might be a rhino. 


(Now don't get me wrong, I like leather as much as the next cowgirl, but I get sweaty if I have to sleep in it.)

2.  Tanning booths are also dangerous!  Do you really want to pay your hard earned bucks to be shut in a vertical/horizontal coffin in your birthday suit wearing goggles while manufactured ultraviolent ray darts are hurled at you by a gum chewing tattooed "technician" still working on her G.E.D.?

3.  And lastly Aurelia...  duh, you live in Arizona!!!  Do you want to get arrested?


Sue said...

Honestly, Laraine. I do not know where you come up with this stuff. All I know is that you are without peers when it comes to humor.



Anna M said...


(that's me, laughing while water shoots out my partially-closed mouth; so not quite a LOL as much as a LWD)

Lindsey @ Better After said...

Featured you on my blog today! I really need to remember to visit more often, you are so funny.

Marti said...

Was that leatherwoman with a low slung bikini top, or leatherman with a fanny pack? Either way, ewww.

btw, I'm enjoying your blog, never laughed so much.

Pondside said...

I love these educational posts - science...I wish I'd paid more attention in high school.....heading off to slap on some more SPF 95 - and I live on a foggy island!

Joanne Fox said...

Oh yukk - that bikini clad woman (think it's a woman) has just put me off sunbathing for life!

Laurel said...

I've seen many European bodies just like the one you've featured today while on vacation in Jamaica. Trust me, it's more horrible in person!