Not only did I have to put up with that whiny song, but I kept feeling Sonny’s mustache tickling my neck at odd moments. Some people call this an “ear worm” but I refuse to call it that because then I will be thinking of I Got You Babe and a worm grubbing around in my ear at the same time and I don’t think I can take it.
Because I am always looking out for your health and sanity, dear readers, and because I want to protect your brains moldy corners from invasive lyrics, I am providing you with a cautionary list of
SONGS TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS
But here we run into a problem, because if I list these songs, just writing the titles will put the songs in your tender little mind and you will soon be pulling out all available body hair and jumping off cliffs before the day is over. So…I am going to describe the song in just enough detail for you to identify it, but
DO NOT LET THE LYRIC INTO YOUR
OR I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE
1. This song is a query as to whom is culpable for setting the canines at liberty.
2. This song is a story about the king of the jungle and where he will slumber this evening.
3. This song is sung by hideous robotic children in ethnic costumes imprisoned in a cave inside the “Happiest Place on Earth”
4. This song is about ants striding in numeric formations
5. This song is sung by squishy purple dinosaur that walks on his hind legs and is on the “no fly list” in every major airport
6. This song is an apology from Britney Spears for a mistake she has repeated
7. This song is the union anthem sung by identical hordes of squatty candy makers in the employ of Mr. W. Wonka
8. This cyclical song is a commercial and request for food sung by cats in their own language
9. This song is about a blood pumping organ that will never fail (also associated with a doomed cruise ship that hit an iceberg)
If any of these horrible songs should leak its way inside your skull, plug your ears with your fingers and sing the Star Spangled Banner as loud as you can five times. At this point someone will probably hit you over the head with a stick and knock you unconscious. If you’re lucky, you’ll wake up with amnesia.